Amy FriendJune 16, 2016

I’ve been there. I have experienced anxiety and panic to the extent of being hospitalized, so I know that it is real – very real! Even when you think you understand what is happening, it is very difficult to consciously separate the physical feelings from what you may know is not life threatening. I haven’t been in that place for many years, but I’ve had mild symptoms that I can now recognize and address. My triggers are extreme stress, fear and a loss of control. I now live a life as free as possible from those feelings, but I know that I would be holding myself back if I tried to avoid all those triggers at all costs. Instead, I give myself the courage to deal with the stress, face the fears and stay in control. I surround myself with friends and community that will support me in that quest.

From the time I was very young, there was always a lot of pressure to perform – competitively in gymnastics and academically in school. This was easy for me, but when it came to performing socially, I was challenged! I was extremely shy and even the thought of having to answer a phone by just saying “Hello” was something I would avoid because I was afraid – what would I say and what if I said the wrong thing? This was also the reason why I never raised my hand in school to answer a question even though I knew the answer. Speaking in front of the class and public speaking, in general, has always been a fear of mine that would send me into a panic. This was my story for years until ToBeRe… – this community, that I have been a part of now for over 6 years, has helped me to overcome this fear. As a sponsor I was challenged to speak in front of new workshop groups just by sharing my own experience. My heart would be beating through my chest, but I did it because I knew I could only grow and improve. And, what better way to do it than with people who are totally non-judgmental and completely supportive. They had my back! Thanks to all this encouragement, I am so much more comfortable on stage and in front of the camera. That natural feeling is getting closer!

Being susceptible to this kind of disorder, I am always cognizant of the symptoms and I know what to do. It happened just yesterday. I went wake boarding with friends. Now this is not something that I would just get an invitation and jump to accept within 24 hours. I had actually been invited twice before but always gave a reason as to why I couldn’t make it. This time I was given plenty of notice. I submitted to take the day vacation – still not giving my “yes” because in my mind I wasn’t fully committed until I accepted the invitation. Well, that opportunity came and then there was no backing out. I would not say I had a fear of wake boarding as I had done it before a few years ago. It was more a fear of just doing something out of the ordinary. I knew I would have fun just being around friends.

We were out on the boat and I had just watched 3 wake boarders go before me. They all did really well! It was my turn and as I stood up I felt my legs were shaking and weak. I was thinking I needed to eat, but would now have to wait. I put the life jacket on and zipped and fastened the clips. It was too tight. I couldn’t breathe or so I thought. I asked for help to loosen it saying that I couldn’t breathe. The reality was that it wasn’t too tight and I could breathe, but the anxiety makes you feel like you can’t. It’s really crazy, but anyone who has been through it, understands. My friends could not be more reassuring and calming. They talked me through some breathing and the self-doubt disappeared. I slipped into the water, took hold of that handle, and I knew I had it.

What this experience has taught me…

• Embrace opportunities to do “out-of-the-ordinary”, and face your fears head on.
• Share your feelings with friends and accept their encouragement and support.
• Don’t fear what hasn’t happened. See the possibilities instead.
• Visualize yourself on the other side having successfully accomplished something. How does that feel?
• Enjoy all the fun that comes on the other side of saying, “YES!”

I said “Yes!” and just a day later I am still living on the high of zipping back and forth across the wake! I can’t wait to go again! As I will tell myself, “Stretch yourself by doing things that scare you! You will be glad you did!”

Just do it!

Amy