Although it feels like an eternity, it was not long ago that I was in dark place with little hope. I was in severe emotional pain, and I didn’t know where to go to get help. I just knew I needed it.

This was contrary to how I felt as a child and young adult. Back then, there were several real struggles like having a biological father that wasn’t present in my life, being a victim of molestation, having insecurities about my freckled appearance, and having struggles related to being part of a blended family. But from what I can remember, I felt comfortable, peaceful and had high hopes of having a great, fulfilling life.

So there I was, 35 years old, trying to fake it through my days while feeling empty, insecure, alone, anxious and hopeless. I was going through a divorce and having to share parenting time with my children. I was experiencing financial difficulties and having flashbacks from a traumatic event. I was getting further away from myself and self-medicating with alcohol making everything worse and me more depressed. All of my hopes of making a difference in the world, having a great marriage, being a great mother and doing something that really mattered disappeared. I had done it, I had hit rock bottom. All of the hopes I had as a child and young adult had vanished into thin air.

I came to the realization that I had only two choices. I could continue down this path of self-sabotage and die a slow, miserable death or I had to rewire everything. I met Matt, Keith and other friends that I slowly opened up to and became honest with about my feelings and struggles. I could tell them my deepest darkest secrets that had been living in my shadow and multiplying. I was shocked that they weren’t horrified and continued to be my friend. They held my hand while I slowly laid down a solid foundation and created more empowering habits. They held me accountable when I made choices contrary to the life I said I wanted to live. So, I suited up and showed up. Exercise, healthy nutrition, being vulnerable and honest and personal development work were all non-negotiable items that helped me build the foundation.

Looking back, I’m not sure the exact moment the transformation happened. I think it was over several months of creating consistent habits of exercise, healthy nutrition, being vulnerable and honest, and personal development work everyday, despite how I felt. All I know is, today, I wake up every morning with the same enthusiasm I had as a child and young adult regardless of the challenges I am facing. I love each day of the week. Years ago, this feeling was unfathomable. I feel comfortable, peaceful, and know that I will live a fulfilling life. My hopes of having great relationships, being an amazing mother and making a difference in the world have returned and are being realized.

Today, I am grateful for my health, children, friends, and my rediscovered passion and enthusiasm for life. Speaking from experience, your rock bottom doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Thankfully, it wasn’t the end of mine and I am grateful that it allowed me to get to this peaceful, beautiful place. Think about what you are grateful for today.