Keith JonesJuly 15, 2016

I recently listened to an interview with sports psychologist, Jim Afremow, on the Brian Johnson podcast. Afremow’s latest book, The Champion’s Mind, shares how great athletes think, train and thrive. One of my big takeaways from the interview was the author’s discussion on one’s past. The past is a point of reference, not residence. He says, when a person understands this they can free themselves from the constraints of the past and thrive like champions.

People who are mostly happy and have a positive attitude and treat others kindly, don’t reside in the past. They learn from it and leverage it as a reference point from which to make their next champion-caliber move. Conversely, people who are often unhappy with themselves, find fault in others and see the world negatively, are stuck in the past. Their conversations are rooted in something that happened to them. They see nothing good coming from the past; therefore they don’t use it to grow and become a better version of themselves.

When I was unhappy on the inside or unforgiving to others, I was residing in the past. I use to have a story that I couldn’t trust people because of the way I grew up. My stepfather struggled with alcohol and there was some abuse in our home. For the longest time, I hated him and judged people who I thought were like him. This impacted my ability to trust others and let them see my vulnerable side. All my relationships with a partner were affected. I found fault with my partners and the relationship. Once I let go of the past, forgave my stepfather for my childhood and myself for dwelling on it for almost thirty years, I was free to trust and be happy in my connections. The lesson I learned was one of compassion for my stepfather. This enabled me to separate the person from the disease of alcoholism. As a result, I am able to acknowledge his best quality of resourcefulness and appreciate his ability to make people laugh.

I make it a practice to use the past as a tool to help me grow rather than sabotage my efforts and undermine my gifts and talents. I encourage you to apply this approach to your past. If your personal relationship has experienced some turbulence, recognize we all make mistakes. Don’t punish your partner or yourself for them. Learn from them and grow your relationship into a better, more loving connection. If you didn’t receive a work promotion or raise, don’t beat yourself up over it or blame others. Use the experience as an opportunity to acquire new skills or pursue other career interests.

Your best days are ahead of you. Stop reminiscing about when you were more fit, skinnier, richer or happier. You can be there again and beyond. When you think of those times, see them as what’s possible again, rather than what was or will never again be.

In closing, use your past, don’t be used by it. And use it for the good of you and others. You will be happier, more fulfilled and a gift to everyone around you when you do.

Stronger Mindset!

Keith