Not accepting life as it is versus how we think it should be can be very challenging. Failure to do so almost always results in suffering. Learning how to accept life on its terms opens the door for peace and possibilities. Listen to Rick and Keith share how they’ve learned to do this.

It has been said that happiness equals reality divided by expectations. If our reality is lower than how we expect life to be, then we’re likely to feel unhappy or discontent.

This formula therefore suggests that our reality needs to be equally balanced with our expectations. The more we can get them in balance, then the happier, more content, accepting or peaceful, we are likely to be.

Therefore, in order to make positive change, we can choose to improve our reality, and/or lower our expectations.

Step 1 – Improve my Reality.
Increase my coping skills:
– What can I learn to do differently to help me cope? E.g. STOPP, Mindfulness, Problem solving, Goal setting, Thought record sheets (www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm)
– Is there anything I can change about my situation?
– 
What? How? When?
– Is there anything I can change about what I do? Can I do react in a different way?
– What help or resources do I need to change? things?
– If I’ve done all I possibly can to change things for the better, then maybe this is just the way things are right now:
– “It is as it is”

Step 2 – Lower my Expectations
– What do I expect my life to be like?
– 
My home, my work-life, my relationships?
– What do I expect of the world, of others, of myself?
– Is there another way of looking at it?
– What would I say to a friend in this situation?
– Am I thinking that I always need to go through life in top gear? –
Struggling uphill in top gear won’t do!
– How might I change down a gear and lower my expectations?
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www.getselfhelp.co.uk © Carol Vivyan 2011. Permission to use for therapy purposes. www.get.gg