Keith JonesDecember 10, 2015

Whenever I catch myself feeling down, sad, angry or depressed, I consider what thoughts are triggering the feeling. What story have I created about a past event or one yet to happen? It’s important I know the “why” behind my emotions. This allows me to be in control of my actions. Instead of reacting to situations, I respond to them. This is a more powerful space to operate from.When I was younger I allowed my emotions to dictate my behavior. I recall an instance not long ago when a close friend stopped communicating with me. There was no reason offered. That little detail didn’t stop me from coming up with a few. I told myself I must’ve done something that disappointed him. If not that, then maybe it was something he heard about me from other people. That led to, “we couldn’t have been real friends anyway if he moved on without a conversation about it.” And with my ego in full effect, I dismissed the many contributions he made to my life over the years and made him wrong instead. This was my pattern for years.

It wasn’t until I went to a seminar 8 years ago that I learned I am in control of my emotions. The stories I make up and pass on as truth is what traps me in feelings of blame, shame, guilt and victimhood. And from there my ego takes over and I react by judging, condemning, withdrawing and putting up a wall in my heart against my friend and others in the future.

Lecturer and philosopher, Joseph Campbell said, “Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.” For a person who wants to send love out into the world, I had to change the stories I make up about people and events. Why not create one about my friend that doesn’t pass blame on either of us for the disconnection? Instead think and speak about the friendship in a way that honors us and acknowledges him for the contributions he made to my life.

The truth is we don’t always know why things happen. And even if we did, does it really matter? The event happened and the past can’t be changed so focus on what you can control which is the present. Create empowering and loving stories that leave you and others whole. And extend people grace when they make mistakes or choose a different path. When you do, you rid yourself of negative energy and distraction. You expand your capacity to exude love and receive it. And it’s all about love. How awesome is that?!

Keith